I Got The Memo
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: Friends With Benefits it all well and good until feeling's get in the way. Can John tell Amelia how he feels?


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.**

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 _For the lovely Ash, who prompted JohnAmelia, and Friends with Benefits turns to more. I hope you like it :P_

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 **I Got The Memo**

Panting, John rolled over so he wasn't squashing Amelia. His hand over his face, he enjoyed the oxytocin that release brought. He listened as Amelia's own pants calmed, her breathing soon becoming slow and steady.

Turning his head to look at her, he smiled slightly when he saw she was fast asleep, an arm thrown over her head, her hair splayed on the pillow.

She'd never looked more beautiful.

Frowning at the direction his thoughts were turning, John turned his face away, gazing up at the ceiling. He was happy with what they shared, but sometimes, he couldn't help but wish for more.

He wanted the mornings, the coffee shared in pyjamas, the lazy breakfasts, the evenings by the fire, the cuddling in bed without it turning into anything more.

He wanted that, but he only wanted it with Amelia, and as far as he knew, she hadn't changed her mind on their situation.

Closing his eyes, John tried to put the matter out of his mind, knowing that he'd never find a quick fix.

* * *

He tiptoed back into the bedroom, putting the coffee on the bedside table.

"Thank you."

Startled, John looked at the bed to see Amelia watching him with a small smile on her face.

"I thought you'd still be asleep," he admitted, returning her smile.

Amelia shrugged, decadently stretching out her muscles. "I'll have to get up soon and get ready for work."

John nodded. "I'm on my way out. I'll see you there?"

She nodded. "You will. Thank you for last night. It was just what I needed to relax."

With a smile that he was sure looked more like a grimace, John nodded. "I'll see you later."

* * *

"Dawlish? A moment, in my office please."

John looked up to see Amelia waiting for him by the door. Barely holding his sigh, he nodded, leaving the paperwork he'd been writing on his desk and followed her to her office. As soon as the door was shut behind them, she turned to look at him, her usual work mask dropping to one of concern.

"You've been quiet today. Is something the matter?"

He shook his head. "I'm fine," he replied quietly.

"John, are you sure? You forget that I know you."

"Honestly, Amelia, it's nothing. I'm fine."

"It's been over a week since I've seen you outside work. Are you free this evening?"

John couldn't stop his brow from furrowing. Was he free? Yes, but wasn't that the problem? He didn't want to be free.

Shaking his head slightly, John looked up to meet her eyes. Merlin, but she was beautiful.

"I have plans tonight. Maybe… maybe another night, okay? Is that all? I want to finish up the paperwork before I clock out."

He must have been imagining the crestfallen look on her face. He must have, because when he blinked, it was gone.

"That's all. I'll see you tomorrow morning, there's a briefing early on."

John nodded. "I got the memo. Have a good night, Amelia."

And didn't he hate how final that sounded?

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Staring into the fire later that night, John swirled his whisky tumbler in his hand. Calling himself every name he could think of, he was half tempted to throw the glass into the flames.

What was he doing, sitting here feeling sorry for himself? He could have been in Amelia's bed, with Amelia in his arms. He could have been laying beside her, pretending that she was his, if only for a few hours.

Growling at his own thoughts, John downed the whisky in one shot. He didn't want to pretend anymore.

Their arrangement had been beneficial to begin with, sure. They were both unattached, both found the other attractive, and neither of them really had the time to put the effort into a real relationship.

As scared as he was of losing her completely, John was beginning to think that the only way he'd get what he wanted was to speak to her about how he was feeling.

More specifically, how he felt about her.

His fire dinged, the wards alerting him to an incoming firecall. Blinking at the flames, it took him a moment to realise it was Amelia's face shining up at him.

Maybe the whisky had been stronger than he'd realised.

"These are your plans? Sitting brooding in front of the fire," she asked, a note of derision in her tone. "Can I come through, I need to speak to you."

"Ah, sure," he replied hesitantly. Unsteadily getting up from his chair, he stumbled through to the bathroom, where he kept the cupboard well stocked with sobering potions. He knew it wouldn't be a good idea to deal with this while intoxicated, he was liable to let something stupid slip.

"John?"

"Two seconds," he called back, swilling the taste of the potion away with mouthwash.

With a quick glance in the mirror, John straightened himself out and returned to the living room, where Amelia was awaiting him with her arms crossed, a severe look on her face.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, after a full minute passed in silence.

"You tell me," she replied tartly. "You've been quiet since the last time we were… together. You've been avoiding direct contact with me. You look… truth be told, John, you look miserable. Have you met somebody else?"

"What? No, of course not," he denied hastily. "It's nothing like that!"

"Then what is it?"

"I -" he cut himself off, waving her into the second chair while he retook his own. "I don't really know how to say this, other than to just say it. This," he gestured between them, "Whatever this is. It's not… I don't want it anymore."

He watched the hurt appear on her face, and hurried to correct himself, looking down at his hands as though they held all the answers.

"That's not what I meant. I… Amelia, I love you. This… it's not enough anymore. I want you, all of you. I want the stressed you, and the angry you, and the stubborn you. I want the sexy you, and the cuddly you, and… Amelia. I want you. All the time. Every morning, every night and every spare moment in between."

He looked up from his hands, to find her watching him with tears in her eyes and a hand covering her mouth. He stood up, holding his hand out to her and feeling heartened when she took it immediately, allowing him to pull her gently into his arms.

"I love you," he repeated, this time into her hair as he held her close.

She pulled back, looking up at him with glassy eyes. "I love you too. How long have you been feeling this way?"

John smiled, then shrugged. "I don't know. A while. Maybe all along. I'm pretty sure that I'd take you any way I could get you, honestly."

She chuckled, a watery laugh as she swiped at her eyes. "Take me to bed, John."

"Only if you promise to wake up with me in the morning," he murmured.

Raising her eyebrow at him, she nodded. "Of course. I'll be waking you up extra early. We've a briefing, you know?"

He laughed, swatting her playfully. "Yeah. I got the memo."

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 **Also Written for;**

 **Last Ship Sailing** \- "I thought you'd still be asleep." / Beneficial / Scared.

 **100 Ways to Say "I love you."** \- 51. "Are you sure?"

 **Once Upon A Time Competition** \- Merida - A Female Leader. (Amelia)

 **The Hunt Is On** \- A Four Word Title.

 **The Friends Competition** \- S5EP16 - The Cop. Write about an Auror.


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